Jay’s real nightmare
Jay is lying in bed. He has had a bad night after going through the session with Chet.
He went to bed early; exhausted after the special events happening to him. He cannot understand the position of L.J.
He turns and then turns again, adjusts his pillow, checks the temperature on the air condition's remote... turns it down, just to turn it up again 10 minutes later.
Chet is only one of his cases, but the L.J. affair gives him more trouble; on a different level. He cannot understand what is happening. How can the little boy that was him come back in such a way and behave like a Guru? How can his childhood memories pop up like this and in such a form?
"Now you are trying to be rational about something that is definitely not rational, Jay". "Psychologically you can call L.J. your Alter Ego or a Sub Personality or your shadow; coming up from your unconscious to tell you something significant; something you don't want to see or touch, something you think you have finished."
He twists and turns, scratches his aching body... Then gets out of bed to fetch a glass of water he left in the fridge. He picks it out and drinks it in 3 gulps; "Ah! What am I doing this cold water can kill me drunken like this!" His chest aches from the ice cold water. He wanders around in the kitchen; paces around the table looking down at the floor.
He stops in the middle of the floor and looks down to the right and then to the left. "What is this?" The floor is moving on both sides of him, like it is turning into a liquid form. He stands still and do not dare to move in case he should take a wrong step and drown. "But this is my kitchen floor, made of concrete and laid with thick tiles!" Telling himself this; reassuring himself that his surroundings are quite natural, when they are not, as he sees it now, is way out of line. What to do?
He thinks of all the exercises he has been through in all the groups he has attended. He has had some very bad experiences and some very good ones. Now, being all by his own and in his own kitchen, he should be able to cope with it.
"But, on the contrary! I have no one to guide me or tell me what is happening right here and now!"
"Ok, breathe deeply and focus on your lower abdomen and let whatever happens happen." With these words he manages to focus on the situation occurring around him. He looks down on the floor again, first to the right and then to the left.
On his right side, the white tiles have turned pitch black! When he looks down again he sees that it is shaped like an abyss. Way down there he can see something moving; something light as smoke. It's partly yellow, partly grey. It moves around like weed in the sea, but there's nothing reassuring about that image. He feels cold and knows that it's not the water that has kept him cold these minutes he has been walking around...
He quite clearly feels that he is being sucked down into the abyss. He feels all right about it though, because the shapes down there are some kind of life form; it's not only a deep and bottomless abyss.
He steps very carefully now, because between his left and right side there is a narrow line of tiles, just 10 cm wide that he has to balance on. Finally he turns to have a look on his left side; the floor is like it should be, at least the first 20cm, then the floor changes to a grassy small slope. On top of the hill he can see buildings and people moving around.
"Oh, my God!" he exclaims, "this is about life and death and I am given a choice whether I want to live or die!"
His whole body is shivering and cold sweat is running down his back and stomach. His head feels heavy as a bowling ball with all the holes blocked. He looks down to the right again and is tempted to just let himself fall into the abyss.
"If it's death I know I am safe, but I feel like going up the green hill anyway. After all; it's where I still belong." He turns to the left and steps into the green grass, which is now turning into his kitchen floor again.
He can hear a deep sigh from his right side and then the whole kitchen floor is stabilized and turned into a regular floor and oh so well known white tiles again.
Tears are running down his cheeks. He feels relieved, but inside his chest there's a tremendous pain... "It's not your heart", he says to himself, "it's not your heart"...
.
He stumbles back to bed, feeling numb now... He just falls down into the bed and is asleep before his head hits the pillow
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