Jay continues his journey

River of life

Jay continues his journey

Pearly has gone down to have to have lunch. Jay doesn't need to eat he says.

In stead he sits down in a chair by the window admiring the view of the blue Mediterranean Sea.

He comes back to himself and is satisfied that he has gone through a couple of steps in his process, but still finds it inadequate in a way.

“L.J., are you here?” he asks. “Now I am here with you all the time, Jay. I am glad to see that you are recovering. I have a question for you: how do you think your uncle feels right now? What has happened to him? He is not punished, just being told that he has done a good deed in meeting with you as one of his victims. For you it means that you have to go into your mind and ask yourself; what have you gained from this experience, if anything. You don't seem to be satisfied with the outcome?”

“I see and I know. I see this event as a matter of my mind only. My uncle has stood up to show me that and I don't have to cling to these kind of memories or let my mind be caught in this. Thank you, L.J.”

“Don't thank me, for me this is easy and obvious. You are the one who has to go through this kind of labour to liberate yourself.. I am proud of you so far..."

“You must turn yourself towards the part of you that you are going to be: your SELF. That's where you find the freedom and space to let whatever happens just be what it is and the let go of it. The SELF doesn't cling to anything. It is just here and now all the time and do not ask or grudge or misinterpret. To say it shortly: it just is. You have had glimpses of what it can do to you many times already; starting with our mutual experience many years ago. That was the major incident that put you into the state of mind you have been in, in regards of understanding yourself and the world around you; of which you have a great and unique understanding!”

Jay smiled at this... knowing that the boy was right; accepting that it was so...

“Now, Jay, we have to go into the next experience you have to encounter: your mother and father. “

Jay sits tight in his comfortable chair and doesn't know what is going to happen now and how.

He feels a jolt in the back of his head and suddenly the scenery has changed to a broad river.

He is standing among tall grass. He is a boy of about 10 years old. He looks up the river to the nearest bend of it and notices a wooden boat coming down the rapids towards where he stays. As it approaches he can see two persons on board; a man is sitting on his knees in front of a woman. She is sitting in the rear end of the boat with her lower body stripped for clothes. The man is looking up in to her groin. Now the boy notices that she is in labour. She is just pushing out a baby. The boy can see the top of its head. She pushes on as the man is sitting in front of her very engaged in the whole process. The woman keeps pushing without a sound. It takes jut about 5 minutes and the newborn slips out of her and down on the deck. No one is trying to protect it. As soon as the afterbirth is out of the woman he rises up and pushes himself inside her. He looks very aroused. She still doesn't make a sound; she is just watching him. The boat is passing by the boy now and they both look at him and grin...

Later; further down the river the baby boy has grown to the age of about 12 years. He is sitting in top of the mast and doesn't want to come down to his parents. He is dressed in ruby velvet and wears a white hat with a big white feather attached to it. He is obviously dressed for a special occasion...

Later the boat is swinging in towards a sandy river bank. The boy perched in the mast has a good view of what's going on in the grassy fields by the river; there's a battle going on between two armies. The boy has the understanding that his parents are going to land him here and leave him. He is going to be a participant in this battle. He looks down at his hips and finds that he is well equipped with a long sword and a dagger...

His parents let the boat drift into the soft sand bank and tells him to come down. He is happy to, he's been up in the mast for a long time...

He jumps out of the boat and wades in to the shore. None of his parents says good bye as they take off out into the river again...

Jay is furious. He recognizes this dream and takes it as a metaphoric image of his life with and without his parents... He was sent into the war of life totally unprepared except for his weapons, which had been his wit and his sharp mind...

He also felt happy, because he could finally do what he wanted to. Free from his rejecting parents who had more than enough coping with themselves.

He felt sorry for them...

He suddenly woke up in the same way he had gone into this old dream: with a jolt in the back of his head...

He was still sitting in the chair and, oddly enough he started watching the blue ocean again, but not for long.

L.J. Was there. “What was this memory doing with you?”

“Well I don't feel sad about the situation or my parents or my destiny in life; which has been straining as I have received it, but in the latter years I have come to the conclusion that I could not achieve as much as I have hadn't it been for my laissez - faire oriented parents ...”

“So you see the significance of this dream?”

“Absolutely, L.J.”

“Fine!” he said, “there's going to be more, my friend.” and gone he was....