14
These things you keep
You better throw them away
Turn your back on your soulless days
Once you were tethered, now you are free
Once you were tethered, now you are free
That was the river, this is the sea
The Waterboys: “This is the sea”
Hard lesson
Jay has got a mail from Asa Cedar and he has arranged with Gortex to drive him to the airport to pick her up at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. Gortex is a young Polish man. He and his partner Basia have taken over the Cafeneion. Jay has been very happy since they came down from Warsaw last week. The couple is young, but both of them are Economists. Jay hopes that this will count for another kind of quality; anything must better than the way it used to be…
Gortex was happy to take a trip outside of the city in his “Skoda Turbo De Luxe”; this was not the right name for the car, but Jay has forgotten all about cars many years ago. He rented one now and then, when friends came visiting, otherwise he was happy with his bicycle; he didn’t need to go too far anyway.
Now Gortex could get away from the cleaning and rehabilitation process for a while. He loved to drive and he told Jay that he was going to start a company dealing with parts for Skoda.
Jay was sitting outside in the front garden; it was still shadow there, underneath the plum tree that was full of small plums now… He arranged the coffee table and chairs, waiting for Pearly to come out and help him with Asa’s case.
And she came out, wearing a mini skirt today. Jay looked at her and said: “mmm, what a lovely partner I have found!” She smiles at him and moves her hips a little extra; “satisfied?” she says. “Absolutely”, Jay replies.
They sit down and Pearly picks out Asa’s files. Jay takes it and reads, while drinking his morning tea. Pearly leans back and just enjoy the mild breeze coming through the garden.
Jay reads the file and shakes his head; “not as bad as Chet’s, but still, she needs to improve, this little lady”.
“I have never met her”, Pearly says. “No, that’s right. I wonder why not?” Pearly looks at him and says:” because I haven’t been around when she has been here, oh, sorry; I was once; we had dinner in that Italian restaurant in the old town. She was a special kind of person, am I right?”
“Yes you are absolutely right, my love”, she is an artist who has been sucked into the world of fame and she’s very disturbed by it…”
“When is she coming today?” “We will pick her up at the airport at 4 pm; me and Gortex one of the new owners of the Cafeneion. Would you like to join us?” “I don’t know, Jay my love. She strikes me as very extrovert and not easy to be around, but I guess I can go out with you tonight?”
“Sure! I would love to see you two together. Earl is coming too.” “Ok let’s make that a deal then”. “You have it, my love”.
I have to meet Roll and Ev today, we’re going to have an exhibition in the Mosque this weekend and we have to discuss how to arrange the artists, you know, there’s no too much space in there”. “Yes, I know. Ah, I should like to do some paintings too; it’s been a long time since…”
“You can do that when Asa has left again; she only stays for a week anyway.”
“Yes, thank you for encouraging me!”
She smiles, kisses him on both cheeks and goes to the shed to pick up her bicycle. “See you tonight, the latest, my darling”, she says and blows another kiss at him”. “I am looking forward to it!” he replies.
He goes inside to fetch some more tea and comes back in a minute; places himself in the chair again and looks up to the blue sky, saying; “Yes, it’s coming true, it’s happening!” He sips his tea and whispers out in the air still looking up to the sky: “Come, now! Help me out of this, please.”
“Out of what, Jay?” The voice of the boy is unmistakable; L.J. is here again. “I think you know what, L.J.”, Jay says.
“Ah, it’s about your death wishes, is it?” “Yes, you know it is. I don’t seem to be able to get out of this nightmare”.
“Whose nightmare is it, Jay? You are therapist, you have read loads of psychology and now I want you to answer me! Whose nightmare is it?!”
Jay sinks down on the floor and sits on his knees, tears running down his cheeks. He is not ready for this, not yet…
“Why avoid it, again? Your mother put your lifelong depressions in you from you were born and she whispered in your ear when you were 5 years old that you and the rest of the family would never achieve anything in this life”. “I ask you again; whose nightmare is it?! ANSWER ME, NOW!!”
“It was my mother’s nightmare. I know, but I cannot get away from it”. “Jay, are you a therapist or not? I start sympathizing with Chet now, you seem to be stuck in something that will block your creativity and love for life. What would you do if one of your clients were talking like you do now?”
“Ah, I would talk like you do now”. “OK, then you do understand. For a moment I thought you were lost”. “Turn your questions around and make them your own, Jay and give yourself the right answers; you know the answers or have you forgotten?”
“I admire the way you handled the case with Chet. He’s being helped now and who was engineering this?” “I did, L.J.” “So, you see; you have this ability to be creative, but you don’t believe in yourself, do you?”
“Jay, you can be anything you would like to be. I am wondering why you don’t go for the opportunities you are presented for?”
“If you go for it, you will make it; you just have TO DO IT! Remember?”
“Yes, I do. Thank you L.J. I have been lucky enough to meet this beautiful woman as you call her and she’s such a comfort to me. I have good friends, both here and other places around the world, but I leave them and run away.”
“I don’t have time for this, Jay. You have been through this so many times and YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS; ONLY YOU!!”
“Go treat yourself, please, for your own sake.”
Jay crawls up in the chair again; very exhausted he hasn’t got the power to go inside and lay down, which was his intention.
He sits in his chair; trying to regain his power by breathing deeply into his stomach.
Finally he is able to go inside. He goes straight for the bedroom; where he lies down with a long and deep sigh…
He falls asleep almost immediately…
Jay senses that this the real start of L.J.’s tutoring… Worse is to come, much worse
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