the life coach 19

Accidents happen

19

Jay is getting better day by day and he has been on his bike again for a trip in the neighbourhood, feeling pleased with himself he arrives back at his gate and nearly crashes his bike against the swinging gate.

He manages to avoid yet another accident with an inch. He puts his bike in the shed and sits down by the table under the plum tree. The tree carries no fruit anymore and Jay starts to sweep the floor for all the mashed plums. He uses a spade and throws it all in a big garbage container just outside the gate. Then he starts sprinkling the plants

and trees. He likes this kind of work, but he is a little distracted by his accident 3 days ago and just now he was about to crash with the

gate. He goes down to the gate and has a look at it. It looks perfectly normal. He cannot understand why it started swinging when he was coming in today. There was no wind and in any case; the heavy iron gate wouldn't be moved by any wind anyway...

He goes back to the table and sits down; staring at the gate. It's not moving at all and he has never seen it do that the 2 years he has been living in the house.

He was thinking of this issue: "could it be that he attracted all these accidents himself or was this just a case of ill fortune?"

He suddenly remembered the voice of L.J. the other day when he told him to focus and he had run into the hole in the tarmac. L.J.

was warning him, but could it be that he was telling him something else too? He was showing him that he was careless; not focused on what he was doing...

"If so, what is on my mind then?"

He sat down by the table again and pondered his own question for a while...

He went inside to make a cup of tea and realized that he had run away from his own question. "Focus, that's what I am not doing these days. When did I start losing it? I always managed to keep my

focus during my many years of meditation and why have I stopped meditating?"

He'd been having these question up many times, but avoided to go deep enough to understand it. "I am just suppressing it I guess, but there's always a reason for that and what would that be?"

" Jay, you have always been running around trying to find something you have been missing. I know, you know."

L.J. is back...

"Yes, I know you know", says Jay, "but I have grown tired of all the semi holy people talking about enlightenment and groups and

new therapies and new groups and new gurus coming to town and new lectures and new books that can heal and you reach THE state of bliss. New techniques and new ways of massage and you name it! I wondered when they were going to put all this knowledge; that is if they'd got it or were just playing along with today's new this and new that, into practice and when they were going to take some some of their knowledge and start working on themselves and live out what they had learned"...

"I started to realize that many of my so called friends weren't my friends at all. There was always someone telling someone that I didn't meditate anymore, for instance. I wasn't worthy a place in their congregation because I always did it my way and not in the way that their resent Guru had come up with..."

"Actually I started feeling sorry for them, they were acting like lost

children running around to find the newest of the newest in this crazy holiness and the newest of the newest kind of healthy food."

"Are you condemning them for trying to find their ways in life, as you are doing? Is that what you are saying? Or are you dissatisfied with yourself and your development?"

"I am not condemning them, L.J. I just got confused and then fed up. It all started to look like a huge shopping trip. I remember some words from a newly self appointed leader of some sort saying: 'He who dies with the most toys wins' and that made me laugh out load, because it seems like we humans think that we can shop us out of anything...

I believe I came to a certain point in life where I had to 'kill my Buddha' or 'Jesus' or any Guru and start my own journey. I started feeling claustrophobic in their company."

"Well, now we are getting at it, Jay! As I started to say today about you roaming around the world all your life, always by yourself, searching for something. Now is the time to tell me why."

Jay was taken out by these words from L.J. and tears were running down his cheeks as he said: "I have been searching for a place or for people that I could feel safe with all my life. That's why I left home before I was sixteen. All my life; and you know all about this; I have come to realize that there are precious few humans I can really rely on and here comes the big quandary.When I say this I know that I have met some of the good ones and lived with them, but still I have left them too. That's when I have come to another level; I was alone in this life an I had to be in charge of it! You know all about this"...

"I have found a few friends now that I can rely on unconditionally

and I am going to stick with them the rest of my life. They are not

meditating or reading about all kinds of holinesses. They are just themselves and not pretending to be something else; purely their own personalities. They do not have to check this out every second of the day because they feel safe with themselves.

I believe that I have come to that stage myself and I am implementing all I have learned from my twenty years of meditation and self developing work. I finally believe in myself and I had to get out of all the tutoring and the 'correct' ways that others demanded me to follow. I am perfectly all right as I am as acreature of Cosmos, because I or anyone else cannot be otherwise, that's impossible! As you and I learned long ago: we are never alone and we are always loved as what we are!"

"Thank you, Jay! Very satisfying, but I will still be here with you for a while, because I want to show you something more"...

It has to do with your friends that you have found here and I think you know what I am talking about."

Jay sits in total silence for a long time; pondering what this next step is about, but he knows too well...

croenning@rocketmail.com