Sunday, March 14, 2010

the life coach 4






4


On the beach with L.J.


My house was situated not far from the sea and I felt the urge to get out on my bicycle to shake some of my anger off.

I had had to clean up my messy face and put on a scarf to cover it up

Now I was on my bike; heading for the most peaceful beach at Christopoli. It was still early in the morning and I enjoyed the trip on my bike; as always.


Bicycling is one of the best ways of moving bodies. The fresh breeze in my face, the smell of the sea, the feeling of wellbeing as my body works to keep up my desired speed; in fact it is the most supreme vehicle on wheels that humans have ever innovated…


The lush sunlight coming through the canopies of the trees; the flickering in my eyes and brain makes me feel like I am going to have an epileptic episode...

I am still on my bike and I am doing well, but I am not here... I can watch everything around me, but it's strange, although I have been doing this trip many times. It feels like I am switched into an automatic pilot mode.


I am leaving the lane of trees and I start to recognize my surroundings again.

"It's ok Jay, it's ok; nothing to worry about", a soft and distant voice is telling me this. I start talking with it and soon realize that it's L.J. who has shown up again.

"I am happy to have you here, my little friend", I say and he responds with "ok" and nothing else. I am baffled and wonder if he just wants me to shut up while I am still on my bike?

"That's right!" he says, "wait until we're on the beach where we can play and swim and have a good time, that's better than all the talking you seem to be obsessed with!"


Then silence...


I have reached the so-called Golden Beach now. It lies on the leeward side of a hill which keeps the wind away and hence, also the waves that can be dangerous some times on the beaches lying further west on the island; facing the ocean.

I find a place just beneath some outcrops that provide shadow.

I am not a fan of staying too long on the beach and in the sun.


"Congratulations Jay; this is a wisely chosen spot!" says L.J.


I lay out my big towel and lie down. There are just a couple of devoted sun lovers here yet; turning their bodies every 20 minutes or so and in between smearing themselves in with greasy and sticky cream. They can stay for the whole day like this.

I find it awkward to "talk" with L.J. and he says in my head that I can communicate with my thoughts; "as you have done before, remember?"


"Yes I remember; I was 23 years old and my mum was dying. I was the only one in her room; the rest of the family had pulled back to the adjacent room. She was in a coma and suddenly I could hear her voice in my head, as I heard L.J. now. She said, "So you do love me then!" I jumped out from the wall I was leaning to. My reply came immediately: "YES!" spoken in the same way as she had done. Then silence... She died 10 minutes after this "conversation". I was the last one to stay with her...

"That's it", L.J. said, "that's the way you can talk with me too; without a sounding word...

I smiled and then I laughed. I felt happy with this little boy inside. "Oh, but I am not inside you anymore, Jay. Let's just see it this way: I am with you, but not inside you."


"Now, let's get into the water!"


I was immediately up on my feet and ran into the water and then plunged into it and dived down to the bottom. It wasn’t very deep here. I felt the joy of being one with the salty sea, more than I had ever done since I was a kid, that is; when I was L.J.!

"Exactly, does it feel strange to you?"

"It sure does, my little friend, it sure does! Does this mean that we are as one now?"

"I am not quite sure yet; I must feel it from you first."

By these words my tears started running down my cheeks. I didn't know why, but I have always pictured myself as a loner and this was something very peculiar and strange for me.

"Don't worry Jay. Do you remember what the dandelions and the light said to us way back then?"

I dried my cheeks with my scarf and said; "yes and I don't think I will ever forget it in our lifetime, L.J. In fact; everything around us said that we were one with them. The dandelions said that they were as the light shining down on us, like suns, each one of them. Then the light; repeatedly telling me: you are never alone; we are all one, through all eternity...

And the weed, the grass and the bushes were shining with a purple aura around them and inside this aura there were small beings floating or flying around. No, I will definitely never forget these moments in our life!"

L.J. was laughing his laughter now; the one I laughed more than 50 years ago.

I felt this bliss inside, filling my whole body; it was aching inside my chest. I had to lie down for a while and let the blessed tears just run by their own pace now.

"Surrender, surrender" was all I heard in my head or was it my heart or L.J.


"Let's take a long swim now, Jay" "Yes, let's do that!"


Again I ran into the water like a little boy would, except this time I swam far away out and then let myself just lie still and let the sea just swing me along.

I stayed for 20 minutes and then returned back to the beach which had started to be filled up with sun worshippers now.

"Time to leave", I told myself, but there was no reply this time. I felt good anyway; I could need some time by myself for contemplation...


crnning@gmail.com


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Preferred reading

  • The Shadow of the Wind, C.R. Zafon
  • The Angel's Game. C.R Zafon
  • Romvokteren, Peter Nilson
  • The Tibetan Book of life and death
  • The denial of death, Ernest Becker
  • The Atman Project, Ken Wilber
  • Up from Eden, Ken wilber
  • Koloss, Finn Alnæs

The writer

The writer
Having a stroll in the old town of Chania

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Grown up man searching for something that has been found... never to be lost again Working with clients through painting, drawing and conversations. See: www.illioscoaching.com