L.J.

1st prologue



We are in the northern part of the European continent in the middle of the country and in a smallish town.
In a kitchen in a 2 rooms apartment there's a 6 year old boy frolicking around with a lot of energy as a boy that age just has to do. He jumps around, asks his mother questions, whistles and sings.
Eventually his mother who is busy baking turns to him and tells him to go outside instead before she goes nuts. She turns back to her baking and is not saying a word...
The boy says: "I don't want to go out now; there's no kids out yet!" Not that he cares; he finds the kids his own age are stupid and acting irrationally, especially the boys...
He looks at his mother's back and realizes that it is much more convincing than any words.

He turns around and goes into the small hall to pick up his shoes and puts them on. Then he leaves without a word...
Outside he looks up at the sun, tilting his face towards it and smiles when he feels the warm rays caressing his face

He crosses the street and walks over to a grassy slope that reaches down to a big field that once was a soccer pitch.
The slope continues along the long side of the field and is shaped like giant stairs; because they once were carrying seats for the public.

He looks down the path leading down to the field and starts descending.
On the short end of the field there's a big and red wooden house that once was the barn of a small farm at the outskirts of town. Now it's a store house for recirculated paper.

He walks along the red wall until he reaches the corner and turns around it. Now he is facing a small field with shrubs, grass, weeds and hundreds of dandelions.
He walks a few steps and sits down with is back against the wall. He looks out into the air without looking; as children of his age can do; fall into meditation.

He notices a shining light floating through the air, aimed at him. It is the size of a soccer ball and is shining brightly, but the light from it is not hurting his eyes, actually he feels good by looking at it...

It stops one meter in front him and levels with his eyes. It keeps on hanging there, in the air. Then he hears a voice talking to him in his head. It says: "You are never alone. You are one with the whole Universe." The boy doesn't quite understand, but the soft and mild voice feels good to him...

He looks around and realizes that the dandelions are shining too. They are swaying as if they are dancing. He cannot help himself swaying with them as he is so fascinated by everything happening to him.
Then the dandelions start talking in his head too: "We are suns like the light in front of you and we are one with you, as you are one with us for all eternity." The boy is delighted even though he still doesn't understand the meaning of what is happening...

He looks at the field again and notices that all the plants are shining with a transparent purple aura around them. Inside the aura there are small beings floating or flying around.
He rises up to have a better view of it all and he is thrilled by it!
Gradually the light is fading and the whole scenery enters into it's "normal" state again.

From a distance he can hear some calling: "Jay, are you there?"

The boy doesn't bother answering...

croenning@rocketmail.com see also: www.illioscoaching.com

the life coach 1

The Life Coach

1

2nd Prologue

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark.... Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand

Such is my faith that I do not know who I am. I am not in charge of my life as I believed it was, just a few years ago...

My name is Jay Storm. I am a counselor and a psychological therapist and a so-called life coach.

Ironic, isn't it; the life coach is not in charge of his own life. Many clients have I helped towards realization of themselves and their inner abilities to live a better life; to be fulfilled as what they truly are.
Myself? I don't know what I am doing here. I have many thoughts in my head, but I do not know where they come from; they don't seem to be mine anymore.

What to do? Where do I go? What is going to happen to me and more important; who am I if I am not me?

Picture a white room. Everything inside this room is white;

which means that there are no references or contrasts that can indicate where I am or what kind of room this is. No shadows, not a trace of any other colour...
If a black spot suddenly would appear in front of me as if there was a wall there; how would I feel? What would that spot mean to me and how would the room change? Maybe it wouldn't change, but just prove to me that this is a completely white room; that it's there. I can see it now although it's still very white.

I am trying to see myself as the black spot. I think I would feel very much alone. More now than before the black spot appeared.

Who has created this room which would drive me insane if I kept on staying here?


I think I would draw another spot a short distance from the first one and then a line in between the two spots. I would already feel much better. I would keep on doing this until I had lines and dots all over the room and I would be satisfied and say to myself; "Hey, I have a grip on this now! I can clearly see the room."

Maybe it could work out that way, but I doubt it would make my life better or make me understand it.

I woke up one morning after having a nightmare. I could not remember what I had been dreaming, but I was very alarmed and felt uncomfortable when I set my feet on the floor. I just sat there for what must have been 15 minutes; totally empty, but I could still feel the turmoil inside my stomach or rather in the Solar Plexus area … I was sweating although the room wasn't very hot. I knew: 'sweat coming from within' as I called the phenomenon to myself. Something significant had been going on during the last half hour...

Something deep inside that had been waiting for many years to break through. This had started to happen about 20 years ago. I had started meditating 2 years before, which had affected me profoundly. My mind had opened to depths I couldn't have imagined existed just 2 years before...
Now I was just waiting for the revelation to show up; what was this about? I lay down on my back with my head on the pillow. I think I just dozed off again, but then came this voice in my head, saying: "wake up Jay, wake up Jay, WAKE UP JAY!!"

I found myself standing on the floor several steps away from the bedside. Now I could only hear the sound of tiny bells in the middle of my head... Then; as it was coming from far, far away; a distant voice from a child saying: "do you remember, Jay, when you were a little boy sitting in the light many years ago?" I didn't know what to say or how to express myself... "Just talk normally", the child's voice said. Still I hesitated ; "the shining light and the flowers, Jay!" The voice sounded a little annoyed now. I said: "you mean; you were there? How do you know about this? Who are you??" Then, to my amazement the voice said: "I am you and you are me!", "please, can you explain?" "I am Little Jay, who saw these visions and I still know them and live them. Would you like to recapitulate them and be one with me and then I can be one with you..." I went to the bed and sat down. I was crying now.

L.J. as I had always called him and who had been on my mind and in my heart for so many years... Could this be true or was I still dreaming?

It took some time before I came to my senses again and it seemed like the boy understood; he was waiting for me. I said through tears that I would love to be close to him. Then I heard his clinging laughter in my head; L.J.'s laughter as I remembered it when I laughed as a boy! I became euphoric now; I laughed and I cried and went around in the room, stopped by the window with tears of joy flowing down my cheeks.

What a joy!

the life coach 2

2

The Cafeneion

Doll enters the cafe. She marches up to the counter and says in a loud voice: "I had too much Tsekoudia last night and I have decided that I need some more today; as a cure and, while you're at it, please pour two shots of whiskey too!"

She looks at Glow behind the counter as if she is not going to process her orders and laughs her horse like laughter.

She continues to stare at Glow with blood shot eyes, but Glow doesn't mind her; she's just happy to have a paying customer...

Doll finally turns around to view the other guests this early Friday morning:

"Bloody Hell, what a sorry creed you are hosting here today, Glow! I think I will have my drinks served outside.
Out she marches without a glance at the others. No one complains about her outbursts; they all know her...

Jay was sitting in his corner, tapping away on his computer keypad: exactly what iswritten above.

"Sometimes I hate these two lost cases of humanity", he mutters to himself.
"They are ugly in all senses of the word, lost in this forsaken place. They are constantly grumpy and unpleasant to be around. They are drinking a lot, which doesn't make them any more edible..."

Doll is big as a walrus and can scare any man or woman out of their wits by lashing truly horrible sarcastic comments at them in a pitched voice that must blow any decibel measuring instrument in to pieces.

She is usually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt in dull blue-grey colors and she never wears a bra; everything dangling freely around on her torso; no walks on the cat walk for her; ever

Glow has a flare about her, but her grumpy and negative appearance kills it immediately...

Doll stumbles out the door sighing heavily with one hand on her forehead. Glow follows with the drinks on a tray and a huge glass of red wine for herself.

Before she can put the tray down on the table, Doll has grabbed the glass of Tsekoudia and gulped it down in one go. With the tray placed in front of her she immediately grasps for the nearest glass of whiskey and hoists it down her throat, followed by the other at the same pace...

Then she burps loudly with her mouth wide open. She licks her mouth and laughs her laughter again.

Glow has placed herself neatly with crossed legs on the other side of the table and is now sipping her wine like a lady.

There are still some British manners left in her, although she might not be aware of it.

Her face is shaped like the Himalayas as they can be seen on a satellite photo taken from space.

She constantly moans about the Café that doesn't bring the money she had anticipated 4 years ago...

For Jay it works like this: he cannot stay too long with any of these hippos. "No wonder people are shunning this place", he says to himself.

Jay feels like he is provoking them by his shear appearance; so he puts his money for his espresso on the counter and steps outside; saying good bye to the two beauties that have arrived at a more happy state now.

Doll's face has turned purple and he worries for her health, but why should he?

After a few steps Doll growls something that sounds like: "Honey, are you leaving? Don't you like us anymore?!" and then the laughter...

Jay hastens off, reminding himself that this must be the last time he visits this place, which is something he's told himself through grinding teeth many times before.

The Café is shabby and worn out by being old and in the latest years neglected.There's occasional leakage from the ceiling due to dried up concrete or, more likely; the remaining concrete is at a level of 20% compared to the rest of the compound which fills up the remaining 80% that is consisting of sand and pebbles...

When it rains the few guests must balance their steps in between buckets and pots that covers one third of the floor.

There's an old gas heater by the wall and it's lit during these wet circumstances; this mainly happens in wintertime and early spring.

The furniture is made out of the traditional Greek wooden chairs wound up with hemp string fitted as seats. Every 15 minute one should take a walk to ease up the tensions in one's but and back. There are wooden tables to match the chairs. There are no table cloths on the tables. The owners are not too keen on extra expenses forlaundry and the hassle of too much equipment in the Café.

In fact this is not a Café as a Northern European would see it. It's a traditional "cafeneion", where men used to smoke 60 cigarettes in 2 hours and have a glass of Ouzu and Mezes; a small dish of sardines, small pickled cucumbers and sweet red pepper and olives, all sprinkled with olive oil and served with white bread...

Jay lives just 150 meters down the street, so it's convenient for him to drop in and have his morning coffee there now and then.

He starts his stroll down the street and already after 20 meters he is feeling relieved; the air is fresher; the light brighter...

The Café is situated on a little Platia named after a once famous Cretan General

It could have been a cozy place, but with these owners it will never happen. They just want to get out of the business and sell the whole establishment.

Jay lives in a newly renovated old house. His friends would call it a luxury to live there, but he can afford it with his reasonable income in the form of a pension and disability benefits from his own country. He feels better here; his disease can take the Mediterranean climate much better than up north where he comes from.

Looking down the street he can see the fishing harbour which lies by the local beach - just a few minutes' walk away.

By turning his head up the street he has a full view of the "Lefka Ori"; “The White Mountains”. The name does not come from the snow covered wintertime scenario when there's snow down the mountain sides and the highland plateaus. The highest peaks reach up to 2500 meters. The white comes from the color of the building minerals of these mountains.

At this time of the day Jay goes for a bicycle trip into town to meet friends and to buy the latest newspapers; The Guardian is his preferred paper.

He puts his computer in the bedroom cupboard and straps the rucksack onto his back and when he's finally ready; he jumps the stairs down and fetches his bike in the shelf in the front garden. He's happy as a little boy every time he he's going for a ride on his bicycle.

In less than 3 minutes he's in the street saddled for the best event this day. He turns the corner where the talkative owner of the barber shop sits outside in the still cool morning air. Jay smiles and waves his hand at him; a gesture that releases a loud"Kali Mera, fille mho!" Jay is always impressed by the power of the little man's voice! No "sotto voce" there, but then he is a Greek man...

crnning@gmail.com

the life coach 3

3

If my words did glow like the gold of sunshine

and my tunes were played on a harp unstrung

would you hear my voice come through the music

would you hold it near as if it were your own?

Grateful Death: "Ripples"

Chet


I am in a room which I call the office although it's a bedroom, but with desks and chairs and a sofa for those of my clients who would like to lie down. The room also has a view to the sea, which is a view that has always had a calming effect on me. The walls are painted ruby red with thin golden vertical stripes. I painted it in this color on impulse and wasn't at all sure if this was the right color. I like it, but I don't know if my clients approve to it. I have asked them and they politely said that it was all right...

I was sitting in my swivel chair with my feet up on the desk, dozing off now and then. Late night yesterday and red wine to go with it...
"Too much, old man" I said to myself.


I was waiting for an early morning client while contemplating the last session with him; one of many and with no progress whatsoever.

I had given him many hints to try something else, but he wasn't very bright and couldn't take it in.

The door bell rang and I went to open the door. Jock was standing outside viewing the sea; his face purple due to his constant drinking.

"Oh, Doc", he said, "I had too many Heinekens yesterday and I am not quite sure if I can think straight today." I was hoping that this statement would lead to a second and more favorable one, but he looked at me and smiled; "still there are things I have to talk with you about , Doc." He insisted upon calling me Doc and I had given up trying to correct him.

"Right, Chet; come on in." "You look great and stylish as always, Chet". "Thank you Doc, it's mostly for the ladies, you know. There has to be some style to it, especially in my age."

He finally came up the two steps to my entrance door and went inside. Inside I could smell his perfume or maybe it was his after shave.

I went ahead and opened the door to my "office".

He climbed in and sat down in his usual chair; the deep ruby red one that had inspired me to paint the walls in the same color.

"So, Chet, you had something to tell me?" "Ah, I love this chair Doc!" was his answer.

"Something else to tell me?"

"Yes, sorry Doc, I always get distracted when I am here, but I feel it's doing me good, you know."

"In what way?"

"At first I am a wee bit nervous, you see, but then, after landing in this chair I just feel so relaxed."

"Ok, Chet, but what was it you had to tell me?" Finally he seems to get to the point, which hasn't got too much of a point

"You see, Doc, I had this telephone call last night from..."

"Lilly?" I said. "Yes, you know, Doc, I am so angry with this woman; she stole my money, you know..."

"Chet, how many times have you told me this story and when are you going to do something about it?"

He turned, if possible, even more purple now; his nose was shining like a beacon; "You know. Doc, I feel good when I come here to have these chats, but when you start cutting me off like this I actually get a little angry!" He had a stiff smile on his face all the time he was saying this.

"So you see these sessions as chats? That's amazing, Chet; as I see them as sessions of treatment where two people come together to help each other out; amazing".

"But surely, you know why I do it, don't you? Or have you forgotten?" He stared at me with the same smile on his face. "Doc, when I feel bad as I do now, our chats will not benefit me at all. I pay you to make me feel better, don't I?"

"Why do you have to bring this up every time you're here, Jock?"

"And how many times have we gone through this same routine?" "You haven't done a damn shit about your own situation. Not a single step towards finding the obvious solutions I have recommended for you to solve your frustration with women... What are you going to do about that?.."

"But, but, you are the doctor!"

"Relax Chet, how many times have we had this subject up for discussion?"

"Of course we have had it up, as you say, that's why I am here, right?!" He had risen out of the chair and came walking towards me. Angry now; he came up to my face with his fists clenched.

"Chet, anything stupid from you and I will report you to the police, we have talked about this too, many times, your anger takes over and you cannot control yourself."

He stops, turns as if to go back to his chair, but then turns back to stare at me again. "I'd like to see your diploma, Doc. Sometimes I wonder if you have any education at all!"

"Sometimes my clients aren't yet ready to face themselves; you are one of these clients. My diploma is hanging on the wall; you have seen it before." "Yes, but it's nothing worth, you know, Doc; if your sessions doesn't help me, I might as well find someone else who are really willing to help me out of this..."

" I have told you before; if you are dissatisfied with my treatment you are free to go wherever you want. Actually, I advice you to do it as you seem to turn into a state of anger every time I criticize your lack of faith in yourself and just walk away to the nearest bar in stead, for your precious Heineken."

He spun around and in one second he came up to me and hit me under the nose and then punched my chin; real hard.

I just sat there, bleeding from my nose and looked at him. He was still angry, but a little bewildered now. He was slow, but he seemed to realize what he had done...

I told him to leave and he turned on his heel and marched out of my office. I could hear the door slam when he left the house...

croenning@rocketmail.com

the life coach 4

4

On the beach with L.J.

My house was situated not far from the sea and I felt the urge to get out on my bicycle to shake some of my anger off.

I had had to clean up my messy face and put on a scarf to cover it up

Now I was on my bike; heading for the most peaceful beach at Christopoli. It was still early in the morning and I enjoyed the trip on my bike; as always.

Bicycling is one of the best ways of moving bodies. The fresh breeze in my face, the smell of the sea, the feeling of wellbeing as my body works to keep up my desired speed; in fact it is the most supreme vehicle on wheels that humans have ever innovated…

The lush sunlight coming through the canopies of the trees; the flickering in my eyes and brain makes me feel like I am going to have an epileptic episode...

I am still on my bike and I am doing well, but I am not here... I can watch everything around me, but it's strange, although I have been doing this trip many times. It feels like I am switched into an automatic pilot mode.

I am leaving the lane of trees and I start to recognize my surroundings again.

"It's ok Jay, it's ok; nothing to worry about", a soft and distant voice is telling me this. I start talking with it and soon realize that it's L.J. who has shown up again.

"I am happy to have you here, my little friend", I say and he responds with "ok" and nothing else. I am baffled and wonder if he just wants me to shut up while I am still on my bike?

"That's right!" he says, "wait until we're on the beach where we can play and swim and have a good time, that's better than all the talking you seem to be obsessed with!"

Then silence...

I have reached the so-called Golden Beach now. It lies on the leeward side of a hill which keeps the wind away and hence, also the waves that can be dangerous some times on the beaches lying further west on the island; facing the ocean.

I find a place just beneath some outcrops that provide shadow.

I am not a fan of staying too long on the beach and in the sun.

"Congratulations Jay; this is a wisely chosen spot!" says L.J.

I lay out my big towel and lie down. There are just a couple of devoted sun lovers here yet; turning their bodies every 20 minutes or so and in between smearing themselves in with greasy and sticky cream. They can stay for the whole day like this.

I find it awkward to "talk" with L.J. and he says in my head that I can communicate with my thoughts; "as you have done before, remember?"

"Yes I remember; I was 23 years old and my mum was dying. I was the only one in her room; the rest of the family had pulled back to the adjacent room. She was in a coma and suddenly I could hear her voice in my head, as I heard L.J. now. She said, "So you do love me then!" I jumped out from the wall I was leaning to. My reply came immediately: "YES!" spoken in the same way as she had done. Then silence... She died 10 minutes after this "conversation". I was the last one to stay with her...

"That's it", L.J. said, "that's the way you can talk with me too; without a sounding word...

I smiled and then I laughed. I felt happy with this little boy inside. "Oh, but I am not inside you anymore, Jay. Let's just see it this way: I am with you, but not inside you."

"Now, let's get into the water!"

I was immediately up on my feet and ran into the water and then plunged into it and dived down to the bottom. It wasn’t very deep here. I felt the joy of being one with the salty sea, more than I had ever done since I was a kid, that is; when I was L.J.!

"Exactly, does it feel strange to you?"

"It sure does, my little friend, it sure does! Does this mean that we are as one now?"

"I am not quite sure yet; I must feel it from you first."

By these words my tears started running down my cheeks. I didn't know why, but I have always pictured myself as a loner and this was something very peculiar and strange for me.

"Don't worry Jay. Do you remember what the dandelions and the light said to us way back then?"

I dried my cheeks with my scarf and said; "yes and I don't think I will ever forget it in our lifetime, L.J. In fact; everything around us said that we were one with them. The dandelions said that they were as the light shining down on us, like suns, each one of them. Then the light; repeatedly telling me: you are never alone; we are all one, through all eternity...

And the weed, the grass and the bushes were shining with a purple aura around them and inside this aura there were small beings floating or flying around. No, I will definitely never forget these moments in our life!"

L.J. was laughing his laughter now; the one I laughed more than 50 years ago.

I felt this bliss inside, filling my whole body; it was aching inside my chest. I had to lie down for a while and let the blessed tears just run by their own pace now.

"Surrender, surrender" was all I heard in my head or was it my heart or L.J.

"Let's take a long swim now, Jay" "Yes, let's do that!"

Again I ran into the water like a little boy would, except this time I swam far away out and then let myself just lie still and let the sea just swing me along.

I stayed for 20 minutes and then returned back to the beach which had started to be filled up with sun worshippers now.

"Time to leave", I told myself, but there was no reply this time. I felt good anyway; I could need some time by myself for contemplation...

crnning@gmail.com

the life coach 5

5

It's a hand-me-down

The thoughts are broken

Perhaps they're better left unsung

I don't know, don't really care

Let there be songs to fill the air

Ripples in still water

When there is no pebble tossed

Nor wind to be blown

Grateful Dead: "Ripples"

Home from the beach

Jay feels happy when he goes back home after the trip to the beach and the communications with L.J.
He feels like a little boy; whether it's the ride on his bicycle or the meeting with the boy; it will be the same, because cycling is an activity he has always enjoyed since he was a boy.


He rides along all the cafes along the Nea Hora Beach; it's full of tourists now enjoying their holidays in the sun. He had never been a tourist himself, but he enjoyed the sight of playing children on the beach and in the water. These people would come from his northern areas of Europe and this was their vision of Paradise on Earth.

They had 2 weeks with the sun and the lazy life on the beach; charging their batteries before they went home to jobs and school and rain and the cold Nordic climate.


He reached the main road and turned the corner and sped up his pace the last 100 meters to his house.

He parked his bike in the shed in the front garden, locked it and went up to the front door. He opened the door and could hear someone singing inside; following the music on his CD player. "Ah, Pearly is here", he said to himself. Pleased to have her around again.

She was his secretary and kept a neat protocol over his clients' addresses etc. and more importantly; their healing progress as Jay kept a journal for each of them.

Pearly was also his friend and had been so for some years...

She was a remarkable woman to be around. She was the most balanced person Jay had met; which was also the reason why he had asked her to take the job after his former secretary who had gone home to Germany after many years down here.

To his amazement she had answered yes, on the spot. "I have been waiting for this "proposal" since Ingrid left", she said and sent him an inviting smile.

All his office routines went smoothly with Pearly. She was such a pleasant person to be with.

He came into the hall and saw her dancing around while singing. "She could have been a singer too". he thought, "she could become whatever she'd wanted to with all her talents and her character!"

"Hi Pearly!" he exclaimed, "I am going to have a shower, just 10 minutes." "Go on; I am not going to disturb you, if you don't want to", she shouted back.

He smiled and went into the bathroom, which wasn't too big, but very elegant. Jay had a good taste for design and had had some arguments with the Architect and finally she had given in to his argumentation. It was tiled from the floor to the roof in black and white rectangular tiles with vague flower patterns. The bathroom have to be of high standard he told the Greek Architect. She was a proud, Greek woman and used to deal with macho Greek men. Jay had used some time to convince her that he was not like Greek men and especially not Cretan men.

She had laughed at his statement and then she'd become more willing to listen to him...

He had his shower and put on his Arabian koftan that worked as a bathrobe...

Pearly was busy typing cards by her desk now and didn't look up when he came into the office. She was always very focused on what she was doing; at any time. He was thinking as he always did when she was in his house: "what if we could be a couple?" He always put it aside after rethinking it; she was his secretary and wouldn't it be a little awkward to be working with his partner and in the house all the time.

He had asked her once; as a joke, of course. She had looked at him with her most sincere expression, taking her time. Finally she had said: "I think that would have worked out well." Jay had jumped in his chair, but just smiled at her. "Maybe some day", he replied and now it was her turn to smile back at him.

Since then they had always enjoyed each others' company...

Pearly was in love with their mutual friend Earl Grey and used any chance she had to be close to him, but Earl was clear as always; in any matter: "You know that I am married, don't you Pearl? I have a good wife and I am never going to leave her."

Pearly knew this, but she liked his ways and his direct approach to anything that came in his way.

Earl, Pearly and Jay were a threesome who always had a good time together. They seemed to fit each other in all ways.

She had later asked Jay if they could have a session one day. She felt she had some problems with her feelings for Earl and wanted to clear it up as Earl was very clear in his views about this.

After the tiny session she had said; "you know, Jay, it's only Earl or you that I could partner up with".

Jay was put back about this; he just said that he'd keep it in mind...

new.creed@yahoo.com